I tried to face the problem alone. i don't want him to know. yes, it is true, i'm jealous when i saw him with someone else, although he just talks or does his group work.
Everyday, when i saw him in 'that condition', i feel my heart is so sick, it beats faster and more faster until i feel like i can't breathe. it makes me extremely breathless. i also feel, it stabs itself several times, and it's too pain. i try to keep quiet as i don't want anybody knows and especially him, by pushing my chest harder, slowly taking the breath and making my surrounding blur for a while. if i still can't deal with it, i'll go somewhere to cry alone.
I have to be strong, no matter how it is. he has his own life, and i'm not supposed to block it. i need to give him a chance to be with others too. so, Nel, be a girl with the strong heart, if you love him.
"p/s: Please be happy always :)"